I've been putting this off for quite awhile now. I don't know why, but I'm afraid to start writing and running my website for some reason. I think mostly I don't feel like I have much to share with others that's of significance. Honestly, I'm afraid to start my business, too. I'm ready & apprehensive all in one excited bundle. I am a procrastinator. I put stuff off, especially the things I fear the beginning of for whatever reason. Maybe I fear failure or rejection, or maybe I fear the work or time that goes into it. It varies across the board as to why I put certain things off. It's a bad habit.
Anywho, God has just kinda [lovingly] pounded it into my head.. JUST START. I have to start. I have to practice. No matter what it is. I just won't get anywhere without the beginning. I can't get anywhere without starting.. It's a matter of physics really. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. There cannot be a reaction without an initial action. Don't like physics? Okay.. it's like those joyous essay prompts, cause and effect. You cannot have an effect without first having a cause.
So I must create the cause. I must begin with an action. From there, I really just need to trust God for the effect, for the reaction. I obey. He carries this through.
If you happened to catch my monumental first day of roasting on my IG or FB story, then you heard a bit of this little story already.. One Sunday in August I was attending my dear friend Adrienne's Holy Yoga class. It is a beautiful and peaceful practice. It is a great way to still the craziness and intentionally connect mind, body, and soul with your Creator. [I highly recommend it, especially with sweet and introspective Adrienne]. She was taking us through some scriptures, prayer time, and opened up time to meditate and pray on His words and what He wanted to speak to our hearts in that time focused on PRACTICE [wow!]. During this time, He very plainly told me -- You're practicing, and it's okay to practice. It's good. And sometimes you mess up in practice, but it's okay. You improve, and you prepare. I am your Guide, your Coach, your Helper. -- And you know what He said I'm practicing for?
To be a good wife some day and to be a good mother some day AND "Roast coffee -- practice!"
How beautiful! He spoke to three of the desires of my heart directly. He placed those there, and He certainly hasn't forgotten them. He wants to bless me in these, and He wants me to practice now, however that looks. It seriously has put into perspective some of the things I do or ways I behave from day to day for the wife and mother stuff. That part sounds silly or strange to some of you I know, but that's okay. Because I know God is good, and I know He has good plans for my future.
If He tells me to practice now, then you better believe I am going to take that seriously -- in coffee, in my future marriage, and in my future motherhood. I wholeheartedly believe you can practice and not pine away. For instance, a simple thing like keeping my room clean is excellent practice for my future role as a wife [I said simple, but in all honesty if you know me at all, you know this is far from simple for me to do]. I don't want my husband to be subjected to living with a slob, and that doesn't just vanish when I get married one day. PLUS I get to reap the benefits of a clean room now. It just makes sense.
So God told me I have to stop being afraid -- afraid of being let down, afraid to get too far ahead [sounds like a silly one, but I feel it], afraid to be hurt, afraid of loss, afraid of failure, afraid of rejection, afraid of screwing up, afraid of [overly] burning some beans. Haha.
I need to practice. JUST START♥
Now here I am. I have begun, yet I feel like I'm just taking baby steps. I understand that isn't necessarily a bad thing. All we can ever really do is just continue to put one foot in front of the other; however, I do know there is something wrong with my steps when I feel that catch in my spirit. I'm sure you've felt that catch sometime in your life. The one telling you, "Yeah, you're doing something, but is it really the best you can do? Is it really the most you could do right now?" It's a catch from God telling me - Hey, I created you. I designed you to do this. I told you your next step. Take it. Then take the next one, and the next one, and the next one.. as I lay them out. As I say it's right.
God told me to practice. Did I start doing that then? Yes, I did, two days later. I practiced my first coffee roast. Did I start sharing my journey with others? Yes, I did a few Instagram and Facebook stories & posts. So why have I been feeling the catch?
I have only been doing things at a minimal level. I have a drive and desire to do more, and I have to trust the desires God places in my heart. All of this is a desire from Him placed within my heart, and I want to pursue it all in a way that honors and glorifies Him. And I know that He wants to bless me in this journey, and I believe He wants to bless others through it all, as well. He wants to show me things I've never seen, take me places I've never been, give me grand adventures, teach me all kinds of new things, and connect me with new people. He chooses me to display His love and faithfulness in all sorts of ways, and that is the highest honor. I want to do this well. I want to serve Him, glorify Him, and love him well in all that I do.♥
So whatever it is YOU are putting off, friend, JUST START♥ And share it with me! I'd love to pray for you and champion you in whatever it may be that God is tugging on your heart about. You can do it! Trust His lead. All you have to do is step out, as He guides you to. He will lead you, but it is up to you whether you choose to take the steps. He is faithful to lead you on your adventure, and I promise it will be more grand than you could ever imagine.
Thank you for joining me in this journey! I'm excited to have you along. Please always feel free to connect with me through email or on Instagram or Facebook. If you think any of your friends or loved ones can resonate with any of what I say, please always feel free to share any of my stuff with them. I know God has me on this path for a reason, so I might as well just put it out there for you all!
[This blog post has been moved over from estahenderson. com to this site. The previous website will no longer exist after 1/31/19]